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Getting to know myself- again

15 May

Love it! My mom came home from Australia, my sister went to Korea, my youngest sister went somewhere in Davao, me? I’m left with chocolates, books and lots of reviewers! So random.

I believe that you can never fully know yourself in the short time you’re given to live on earth. Even if you know yourself by 50%, the facts would be still doubtful. What do you know? What do I know? Everyday we learn something, everyday we encounter changes in the environment, in society, even in our bodies. Even if you know yourself to be calm and smooth you can suddenly be faced with an event which will show you otherwise.

I believe in this, but my mistake was that I drifted, I thought that I can do anything, I can be anything, I can be put anywhere, I can basically adapt into anything.


It was possible for me but the thing is, I can only adapt for a day, a week, a month and realize that it’s not my cup of tea.

Although we change, there are aspects in our personality which are decidedly ours. These aspects make us different, make our personality shine, make us who we are.

 Getting to know myself again. Well, I realized that I’m no longer sixteen, naive and idealistic. No, I didn’t grow up to be the sage living in the mountains writing novels, the future I envisioned for myself, instead, I turned out to be someone who likes collecting make-up, cosmetics, obsessing about clothes, yoga and working out.

but I..

still love books, novels and writing.

still keep a journal.

deleted my old blog but I created a new one.

am still confused about my ideal guy, realized that after 10 years I am still attracted to Tracy McGrady, Tony Parker and Tim Duncan even though they are 10-20 years older than me.

Realized that I don’t like skinny men- i mean, romatically! I don’t find metrosexuals attractive, even though I got interested in a lot of them because they are fun!

like gambling but I can live my life without it.

Still uncomfortable talking about myself.

Some major changes?

I now listen to popular music not just soundtracks from Japanese Anime/Movies. Totally cracked the shell. I now know Taylor Swift songs– not really. A memorable comment from my sister last year when she heard me listening to Chris Brown & Adele: Oh my gosh! Why are YOU playing those songs?
Getting interested in business management.

Getting interested in money, making money, instead of being a hypocrite saying I’d rather live in the mountains than be surrounded by lying, two-faced, deceiving, conniving and scheming people.

Realized that I’m beginning to be cynical and a bit judgmental. Can now see the negative side of things but positive things still make my heart flutter and my eyes shine.

I’ve ignored reality for so long, danced to the beat of my own drum, listened to the sound of my own music, shut off whenever I didn’t want to hear and see something/ be with something or someone.

This is not right and this explains why I am only discovering certain sides and angles of myself.

Adventure and fun was my middle name, I’m the soul saver, protector of mankind. I never speak about anyone, never talk about anyone, it was one of my rules, talk about books, stories, movies, things, the future– that was me.

But I realized that this is the future. I stopped being that person :O. Gosh, I hate drama, but sometimes we need a little dose of it to realize some important things, get through some major crossroads.

The point of this entry?
Nothing deep.
Just to remind myself that this is me, I’m still the tough, weird and narcissistic girl who thinks she’s superhuman.

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Posted by on May 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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